Finals Week in a Season of Struggle

 Hey Y'all, 

As finals week approaches, I am facing a reality I never expected. My health has declined in a way I have never experienced and each day feels like another hurdle. I am at an appointment almost every single day. I am meeting with doctors trying to figure out what is going on while also attempting to meet deadlines, finish assignments and keep up with the expectations of my classes. It feels impossible most days. I am missing classes and exams and I have more late assignments than I have ever had in my college career. Even this blog for my social media class will be turned in late. I do not say that lightly. I am tired in a way that feels deeper than a lack of sleep and it is hard to explain how draining the past few weeks have been.

Throughout all of this, I am trying to trust God and the plan He has for me. I know His plan is good. I know He is steady even when my body is not. But these last two weeks have tested every bit of strength I thought I had. I have had nights where I fall asleep in tears and mornings where I wake up already anxious about what new issue might show up next. It is a strange mix of fear and hope. I know God is with me. I just wish the path did not feel so heavy right now.

I am grateful for my professors and group members who have offered grace and understanding. When you are missing class days in a row and turning in assignments late, the guilt adds up fast. Knowing that my professors have worked with me has taken a weight off my shoulders that I cannot put into words. My group members have stepped up. They have helped fill the gaps when I physically could not. It means more than they probably realize.

Still, even with that support, this situation is frustrating. It is sad. It is discouraging. There are moments where I catch myself wishing I were a normal college girl who only had to worry about studying for finals or finishing a paper. I wish I were not the girl scheduling her days around appointments or waking up in the middle of the night struggling to breathe. I wish my body would simply cooperate. It is hard not to feel left behind when everyone around me seems to be moving forward at a normal pace.

I am also grateful for my doctors who are working to figure everything out. We are making progress, even if it is slow and confusing. I know I am in good hands. But the reality is that progress does not erase the emotional toll this season has taken. It does not make the fear or the frustration disappear. It does not make the missed classes or late assignments any less overwhelming. It just gives me something to hold on to while I keep moving.

More than anything, I cannot wait to go home. I am ready to rest in a space that feels safe. I am ready to breathe without feeling like I am racing from one thing to the next. I am ready to have a break from constant appointments and the pressure of school. As you can probably imagine, I am counting down the days.

This season has been one of the hardest of my college experience. I am tired. I am stretched thin. But I am still here. I am still trying. I am still trusting that God is working even when I cannot see the bigger picture. Finals week looks different for me this year, but I am doing the best I can with the strength I have. And for now, that has to be enough.