I Cannot Catch a Break

 Hey y'all!

I swear I cannot catch a break. Every time I start to feel like I am finally getting back on my feet something new hits me. Being constantly sick is exhausting but what makes it worse is trying to handle it while also living with chronic illness. It feels like my body never gets a real break and I am constantly trying to catch up to where everyone else is. It is frustrating because I take care of myself as best as I can yet it still feels like I am always one step behind.

Right now I have this super weird upper respiratory thing that has completely taken over my body. It is not like a normal cold and it makes no sense. There is no congestion and no runny nose just this horrible rattling cough that will not go away. Every breath burns and I would honestly rather it be in my nose because at least that kind of sickness feels manageable. This one sits deep in my chest and feels heavy every time I try to inhale. It is so strange because I have never had anything like it before. Having lung disease and asthma because of my scoliosis definitely does not help. It makes breathing hard and coughing painful which has made this whole thing even more miserable.

What has made it bearable is how many people have stepped up to help me. My mom has been incredible about bringing me meds and fluids when I need them and checking in constantly to make sure I am okay. My boyfriend and friends have been amazing too bringing me my favorite snacks and helping with my nebulizer treatments which I absolutely hate. The treatments make me super shaky but they help me breathe so I have to do them anyway. I feel so lucky to have people who care enough to look after me when I feel like I am falling apart.

The hardest part though is missing class. I hate falling behind especially when I know I am capable of keeping up. This blog post is actually a day late because I have been too sick to focus on anything. I am not the type to miss deadlines or skip class so being stuck at home has been stressful. It feels like I am letting myself down even though I know I am trying my best under the circumstances. Being a college student with chronic illness means learning to forgive myself when my body just cannot keep up but that is easier said than done.

I am really grateful that my professors have been understanding and patient about everything. They have made it easier for me to breathe a little without feeling the pressure of being perfect while sick. Still, I am ready to feel like myself again. I am ready to get out of this fog, stop coughing every two minutes and actually sleep through the night. I want to go back to class catch up on everything I missed and just feel normal again. Next week I am determined to get back on track and kick its butt because I am so tired of being sick and I just want to feel good for once.

That's all for now!
XOXO, Mia Ann